Making Soap: The Tyler Durden Chronicles, Volume1

In response to my comment expressing the difficulties I was experiencing in making soap from scratch, my friend offered the following:

"Yeah, its too bad that society hasn't progressed to the point where such products are offered in readily available portions at affordable costs. Oh wait..."

He has a point.  But I think there are plenty of reasons to learn about and practice making soap from raw materials.  They are as follows:

1. Competence - learning how something is made is always worthwhile, especially if you can then duplicate this task.  You are never worse off for the knowledge.
2. Quality - Unless you are spending top-dollar, most soap that you buy is made from the cheapest of materials.  Much like brewing your own beer, making your own soap allows you to use the top quality materials, with the cost savings associated with doing the work for yourself.  For less money per unit than your average bar of Dial soap, you can have top-level artisan soap.
3. Fun - I love projects, and this is a good one.  Complicated and dangerous enough to be fully engaging, long enough to require focus over extended periods of time, and you get a usable and valuable product out of your efforts.  This is fun to me.

 First, a big, giant warning.  Making soap from scratch involves working with chemicals that are highly dangerous.  Sodium Hydroxide (Lye) will burn the living shit out of your skin, and god forbid that it gets in your eyes.  Protective equipment, such as heavy-duty gloves and goggles are a must.  Strict attention should be paid when handling raw lye.  Even when being careful, it is possible for lye to splash up, which would do you serious damage.  This Rugged Life is in no way responsible for your burned body if you injure yourself while making soap.  If you have not seen "Fight Club," or even if you have, it is recommended that you watch this scene from 0:30 - 3:00.  This IS what can happen to any part of your skin that the lye touches.  ALWAYS keep a jug of vinegar nearby to neutralize any burns.

Right then.  Despite the need for care, soap-making is common, and should be fine so long as you use proper caution.

While part of the fun of making anything is customizing it to your own standards, I would recommend using a already-perfected recipe for your first few goes.  These are readily available online, including this one from The Simple Dollar, which includes lot of good ingredients like coconut oil and oatmeal.

Soap is basically made up of oil(s) and sodium hydroxide.  Sodium Hydroxide is also used to make methamphetamines, so it can be difficult to find.  I purchased mine from Bramble Berry.  They will ask you to sign and email back a Hazardous Material form, which clears them from lawsuits if you burn the shit out of yourself.

Different recipes will include different types of oils and fats, but olive oil is commonly used, and a soap with mostly olive oil will make a Castile soap, which is fairly soft.  Lard, Coconut Oil and other fats can be added, or used as substitutes. 

Two basic mixtures will be created, one including all of the oils and fat, and the other consists of the lye and a liquid, such as water or milk.  Once both mixtures have reached the appropriate temperature, the lye mix is added to the oil mix.  The order of this is important.  Carefully monitor the temperatures of each.  My failure to do so made my life much harder than it needed to be.

I made a few mistakes on this batch, such as allowing my oils to get far too hot, and allowing my lye to get too cool.  Invest in a second thermometer to avoid a similar problem.

Lye/Milk Combination - the lye took frozen milk to over 140 degrees in seconds


I got creative with my soap molds, using a bunch of strangely-shaped items that I found at the Salvation Army store.  The problem was that I did not line the bottoms with plastic wrap or aluminum foil.  My failure to do so made it nearly impossible to get the hardening soap out of the molds, and I ended  up wasting a lot of precious materials because of it.  The soap that was not wasted came out pretty...rough-looking.  Its not the cool-looking ovals and rectangles that I was hoping for, but it should be functional.

Once the lye and oils have been mixed, you have a lot of stirring to do.  Hours, actually.  Unless you invest in a stick blender, which will cut the time to a half hour, or far less. 

Once you have removed the soap from the molds, it must be left for 3-4 weeks before using.  This allows the lye to continue mixing with the oils, settle down, and become something that you can actually use on your body.  You can lay plastic wrap over the bars, and then put a blanket or towel over it to let it cool down slowly.

Ugly soap


Be careful during cleanup.  While the mixture is now "soap," the lye is still wrestling around in the ingredients.  While it will no longer cause chemical burns, it can still irritate your skin, and would do worse to your eyes.  You should keep your gloves on while cleaning up your mess to be on the safe side.  Even with the gloves, some of the soap got onto my forearms, and the skin reddened up fairly quickly.

Safety, I has it


That's it for this volume of the Tyler Durden Chronicles.  The next segment will talk about the finished product, some fun information about soap, and possibly more of my fuck-ups.  Cheers.

Beer. Because God wanted us to be happy

The next time you see a yuppie trying to impress his date with an elaborate system of sniffing, shaking and delicately tasting a glass of wine, remind him that it is simply fermented grape juice.  That is all.  Sugar already exists in grapes, and the making of wine is therefore a less complex process than the one that creates God's one and true gift to man (and woman) kind; beer.

There is reference to a beer-like substance in Ancient China as far back as 5,000 years ago.  Brewing was considered a highly respected occupation as far back as during the Mesopotamia civilization, and beer was part of the daily diet of the Egyptian Pharaohs, used in religious practices.  Possibly the coolest factoid I could find is that the Finnish epic poem, "Kalevala," finally recorded in written form during the 19th Century, but based on oral traditions that spanned many generations, actually has more references to beer and beer-making than the origins of mankind.  Awesome. (1)

In a small effort to keep this rich and ancient tradition thriving, I just finished up a batch of a red ale, which should be ready for drinking when my parents get back into town in early September.

A quick primer on beer-brewing:

Create the "wort," which consists of grains and a malt extract, eventually combined after separate boiling processes.  This is eventually brought to a full and roiling boil, with various types of hops added at planned intervals.  This finished wort will be added to a primary fermenter, or plastic container, before adding a large quantity of cold, clean water.  Specialty yeast is added as a final step before closing up the container.  The beer-to-be will be transferred to a glass carboy, or secondary fermenter within 1-2 weeks via a siphon, and it will then continue to ferment for a somewhat subjective length of time that is partially based on the type of beer.  The bottling process uses the siphon as well, and the liquid is combined with priming sugar in the bottles.  This is the final step, and the bottled beer will carbonate and continue to ferment until ready to drink.  The last and most important step is, obviously, to enjoy the fruits of your labors.

* I am leaving out a lot of the details, but this gives you a quick breakdown.

Racking beer to prepare for bottling:


Capping my bottled beer:


44 beers, just waiting for a dance partner:


Happiness, I has it:



(1) - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_beer