I feel like I waste a lot of time. Most of the time when I feel I am being unproductive, it is when I am playing around on-line. While checking and playing around on
facebook, proving people wrong on internet forums and keeping up to date on the most minor of details that happen in the sport of boxing would certainly qualify, by any definition, to be wasted time, I do not always have a productive alternative. Sometimes, there really is nothing to rush for, and I don't know why I have such a hard time relaxing and taking things slower. I mean, if I am going to play around on the web, I might as well just call that 20-30 minutes a wash and enjoy myself rather than feel guilty the whole time.
Another example was with my parents this last weekend. Rather than deal with finding parking in Los Angeles, we just walked everywhere. Both my Mom and my Dad noticed and checked out everything on every walk. They noticed much more about my new neighborhood in 2 days than I have in almost a month. They commented and examined every flower garden of every neighbor that we passed, they noticed a building that says "Martin," and they pointed out dozens of cool new restaurants that I should try. After a while, it even started to irritate me, as if we were taking too long exploring cool stuff and talking to interesting people, when we should be charging it towards our destination. I had to remind myself that we weren't on any schedule, had no reservations anywhere, and that talking to each other while walking was the same as talking anywhere else.
I don't know what I am trying to get done, or where I am trying to go so quickly, but I need to chill out. Doing something enjoyable is reason enough for doing it...providing of course, that said action is of the legal and ethical variety. That's why it should be ok for me to lie on the sofa and read a novel for a few hours if that is what I feel like doing.
Of course, some discipline is needed, but looking at things objectively, I have to admit that I am progressing in all areas that I care about progressing in. Professionally, I am doing well enough. I have more freedom than most, in a job that gives me satisfaction and a sense of pride for the work that I am doing, for a salary that works for my lifestyle. Athletically, I am accomplishing my goals. While I will still compete in amateur boxing, I am willing to let the sport be second (or 3rd or 4th) in my life. I have been training consistently, sparring when it is available, and learning and growing. As a brother, son, grandson, and friend, I would like to be better. But I am there for people when they need me, and I feel like my relationship with my immediate family gets better all the time. So...things are going well. And while I hope to never be satisfied and complacent, I am going to try to enjoy myself and live more in the moment. Maybe I'll even check out the neighbor's flower garden.
Today I want to do things to be doing them, not to be doing something else.
I do not want to do things to sell myself on myself.
I don't want to do nice things for people so that I will be "nice."
I don't want to work for money, I want to work to work.
Today I don't want to live for,
I want to live.
- Hugh Prather, "Notes to Myself"