Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Type of Chili that Will Kick Sand in your Face and Steal your Girlfriend

In the words of one of my favorite characters from one of my favorite books from one of my favorite authors, "a good bowl o' mountain red (chili) should just kick the dog piss outa ya and make your dick grow an inch."

Since I agree with the man on general principle, I make sure that my chili takes a bit of getting used to...especially if you are sensitive to spice.  Some people go for a bit of a bite in their chili...I'm going for tears and broken dreams. 


Makes 4-6 Servings, Depending on Whether You Go for Volume or Sampling

1/4 cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1.75 lbs Sirloin Steak - cut in strips
4 medium garlic cloves - chop all to hell
1 medium red onion, diced
1 Jalepeno Chilo & 2 Habanero Peppers - sliced and diced
0.5 lb ground sirloin beef
6 TBL Hot Red Chili Powder
1.5 TBL Paprika
2 Tea cumin
2.25 cups canned beef broth
28 oz can crushed tomatoes
2 TBL Brown Sugar
1.75 TBL Worcestershire sauce
2 Tea dried oregano
2 tea dried basil
2 tea dired thyme
1 bay leaf

Methods & Madnesses

1. In a large saucepan, heat the oil over high.  Sear the sirloin steak strips lightly after seasoning with some salt and pepper.  Set aside.

2. Reduce heat to medium-low and add garlic, onion, and peppers (jalapeno and habanero).  Saute for a minute or two.  Add the ground sirloin and seared steak.  Saute for another few minutes.

3. Add the shit-ton of chili powder, paprika, cumin and saute for another few minutes while you prepare the rest of the ingredients.  When you get everything together, stir in the broth, tomatoes, brown sugar, worcestershire sauce, oregano, basil, thyme and a bay leaf.  Bring to a good and strong boil, and then reduce the heat until the concotion settles into a gentle simmer.  Cook for about an hour, when the steak slices are tender and the sauce is thick.

4. Taste the sauce and adjust with salt and pepper if needed. 

5. Pour yourself a decent bourbon or whiskey on ice, and settle in for battle.

Anthony Bourdain.  That's me.


 ALH said...

The whole thing sounds like quite the culinary adventure. I'll have to try it when I have plenty of whiskey on hand to wash it all down with.

AKdottie said...

hahahaha "Add a shit ton of chili pepper" lol I wish all recipes were written like that!- maybe i'd like cooking then..... eh probably not lol Just found your blog-love it ;)

Anonymous said...

*demands a taste test*

Martin said...

ALH - The whiskey is almost as important as the peppers. Try Basil Hayden Bourbon.

AKDottie - Glad you found me. If only "shit ton" were an actual unit of measurement...


carissajaded said...

Sounds delish. Maybe since I don't have a penis it would just make my panties a little wet?

I also just came across your blog and am a fan!!

Cheryl said...

Anthony Bourdaine? .. Jamie Oliver is where it's at. And thanks for posting that, I'm now starving and I have 3 more hours to go til lunch break. So if I die, it's your fault and you'll have to explain to the blogosphere why that happened, and then suffer hate mail from 800 people.

Or I'm just being hopeful, and they'll just send you letters and gifts thanking you.

And in response to your comments because you don't have a blog email, which confuses the hell out of me:
1. Please explain what a testicle card is.
2. What can you do to stop California from raining buckets? (you have 3 weeks to figure out a solution to that one)
3. If you a fry a worm, does it become crispy on the outside and soft and kind of rubbery on the inside?

You can send your answers to

Amanda West said...

Mmmm. Love me some Habanero.

This might sound gross, but I love this thing we make...

You squeeze like fifty limes into a bowl, throw in a few sliced onions, several crushed Habaneros, and then throw in a whole batch of raw shrimp... Then we make sure the shrimp are completely submersed in the juice and wait thirty minutes and tada!

Some really awesome shrimp.

Anonymous said...

My delusional dear,

if YOU can handle it, that means I'll probably need to add another CAN of chili pepper and TWO handfuls of habaneros just to give it some kick.

Martin said...

carissa - Ha! Yes, I believe that is the effect that you can expect if you are of the female gender. Thanks for the laugh

Cheryl - I sent you an email, but just to clear up the "testicle card" thing for anyone else who is curious, disgusted, or aroused, it works like this. A guy who does something more feminine (i.e. takes a bubble bath) will be ridiculed by his friends and ordered to turn in his testicle card (AKA "man card). They may also say that the card has been revoked. you know.

Martin said...

Amanda - That shrimp thing sounds awesome. WANT WANT WANT

Clara - You crazy.

Juniper Shinn said...

That sounds so good. I'll have to make it soon.

(Found this through 20sb. Hi!)

Martin said...

Hi Juniper! Let me know how it goes.